WI’N’FI 2009: WINTER ‘N’ FIRE CLASH
ECCO LA STORIA DEI 5 PIRATI IN MISSIONE VERSO IL WINTERCLASH!!!
Ingredienti:
- 2 milanesi (alby & ciccio)
- 2 brixiani (marco & gian)
- 1 romano (cesare)
- l’astronave fiat marea ribattezzata “vecchia signora”
- un park bruciato ed uno sostitutivo
- le città di Anversa ed Eindhoven
- il freddo polare
Tempo di cottura:
dai 3 ai 4 giorni
GIO12 – il viaggio d’andata
Le voci rimbalzano dalla mattinata: lo sk8park sta bruciando, il winterclash è a rischio, e così ognuno cerca notizie, riceve messaggi o telefonate per capire cosa sta succedendo nella terra dei fiamminghi. Tutto vero, lo sk8park di Sint Niklaas si è trasformato in cenere ed una cappa di fumo ricopre il paese come ai tempi dei bombardamenti fine anni ’40. Le indagini son in corso, ma pare sia colpa di una bombola del gas malgestita dal proprietario ed in men che non si dica, il grande Jojo trasferisce il contest all’Area51 di Eindhoven, mentre il party rimane ad Anversa. Issata la bandiera dei pirati sul tetto della vecchia signora, partiamo da Milano alle 23 circa. Non appena arriviamo al confine, una coniglietta bionda ci chiede 30euri e ci attacca un bollo sul vetro; noi siamo incantati perché l’avremmo voluto da un’altra parte al caldo…In Svizzera, nevica ed il manto stradale si presenta come ghiaccio vivo; la vecchia signora sbanda e traballa anche a bassa velocità, ma l’abile guida di Colin Mc Gian ci permette di superare l’insidia. Siamo contenti perchè capiamo l’utilità delle ore spese in Playstation e perchè Cesare entra in una nuova dimensione sensoriale vedendo la neve per la prima volta. Alla prima sosta in terra francese sperimentiamo le porcherie peggiori della nouvelle cousine; la palma d’oro la vince il buon Ciccio che alimenta la sua fantasia culinaria acquistando delle patatine al gusto bbq...si rivelano subito repellenti emanando un odore immondo che impregna tutto l’abitacolo. Poi tutto scorre normalmente e ci diamo il cambio non appena il pilota di turno ha le visioni di laghi, mostri o bambine che giocano a palla in mezzo alla strada. L’oscar del rischio spetta ad Alby perchè per 20km guida in fase REM, senza nessun copilota, finchè riesce a parcheggiare in un’area di sosta in Lussemburgo. Al risveglio domina la meraviglia poichè non sappiamo cos’è successo, ma non abbiamo paura: siamo pirati! Si riparte arzilli ed attorno alle 11 si sbarca all’ostello prenotato ad Anversa dalla guida low coast che è in Marco.
LA VECCHIA SIGNORA E I SUOI PIRATI
CESARE IN ONORE DEI NAPLES!! ( chi si è mangiato quella roba poi?)
L'occhialuto pervertito Marco gia ubriaco alla partenza!!!
Gian pronto per una guida estrema sul ghiaccio!!
Ciccio mi raccomando stai sveglio!!!!!!! di qualcosa!!!! ma porca troia di qualcosa!!!! ciccioooo cazzzoooooooooo e non mangare quella merda!!!
VEN13 – 1°giorno
Stanza 25, 2°piano, aperta la porta abbiamo un attimo di mancamento per l’odore fetido che ne esce. Il nostro losco coinquilino subito viene ribattezzato “il tagliagole”, ma noi abbiamo l’arma nella manica: le patatine alla kryptonite acquistate da Ciccio ed il kendama di Cesare. Durante il valzer del ripiglio e del cambio vestito, Cesare ci dà una lezione di vita: è uno dei pochi uomini che sanno cucire, e ci mostra una t-shirt Bisca clothing trasformata dalla taglia mongolfiera ad una normale taglia L. Ripartiamo subito gasatissimi per scoprire se nell’area51 ci sono gli alieni vivisezionati dagli americani oppure uno sk8park. Ai nostri occhi appare un park completamente in legno, inesistente in Italia, in cui si stanno terminando le strutture per il “mind the gap”. Dopo aver salutato gli amici giunti da ogni dove (Frontside, Naples, Umbriarolling, Siciliani, Sardi), parte l’azione di test del park ma subito si capisce che gli italiani faranno la solita figura...sarà che si emozionano quando il livello dei pattinatori avversari è elevato o sarà che preferiscono i vizi? Si vedono solamente pochi pro, divisi fra chi testa il park e chi pensa a degustare luppolo oppure insalata officinale tipica olandese. Sale la fame ma anziché mangiare in un locale belga, che pareva una copertura per i privè del piano superiore, serviti da una bionda stile gran lussuria, qualche ricchione represso intrufolato fra noi preferisce trascinarci a magnare il peggior kebab della storia dei tempi. Torniamo al park per riprendere chi avevamo abbandonato e per visitare il tradeshow. Quest’anno si presenta piccolo poichè buona parte del materiale degli stands è bruciato a Sint Niklaas, tra cui: il computer ed i pattini di Jojo, le felpe e le maglie con il simbolo dell’evento, i weekend tickets, le maglie speciali e le gangsta bandane gratuite by Hedonskate…insomma tutto ciò che è sacro! Acquistata qualche offerta bomba, saliamo sull’astronave vecchia signora e torniamo alla base in cui dormiremo. Il tagliagole è sparito ma la puzza c’è ancora; un nuovo coinquilino è apparso e noi lo battezziamo col nome “er frocio” per le scarpette di vernice ed il pantalone attillato. Due pirati preferiscono andare a dormire, mentre gli altri preferiscono andare all’assalto delle vie in cui i capezzoli ti vengon serviti con la panna montata: non l’ho mai avuta così bagnata!
Cesare e il Kendama pazzia CESARE RIOS
Ciccio al gusto BBQ _ ANDREA SPADAVECCHIA
Ettore versione DIABOLIK
Si AGO ce la vorremmo scopare tutti la cameriera bionda!!!
Gian si stiamo pensando la stessa cosa!!! ancora un altro giro di panna!!!
SAB14 – 2°giorno
Il buon giorno si vede dal mattino! Tre pirati accusano il colpo della notte brava; gli altri due sfruttano le pietanze disponibili a colazione spazzolando il banchetto con la fame di Obelix. Il cibo illumina la mente del pitagorico Marco che pensa: “perché non svegliare qualche amico con uno scherzone?”. Visto che le calze in faccia non producono effetto, scatta l’operazione “uovo sodo” che si infrange sulla fronte di Alby; costui sorride ma non capisce e chiede aiuto per liberarsi dai vestiti nei quali è attorcigliato dalla notte prima. Durante l’azione di risveglio dal letargo, Cesare sfodera il secondo gioiello frutto dell’abilità nel cucito: jeans da mc trasformati in stile darkattillato: minchia che orlo pregiato! Tutti sulla vecchia signora e grazie al teletrasporto sbarchiamo all’area51. Fuori c’è la coda di spettatori indemoniati e già alcolizzati ma noi siamo a nostro agio; si narra che dopo i primi 900 ingressi non faranno entrare più nessuno. Dopo l’acquisto delle ultime offerte del tradeshow al prezzo del “svuoto tutto”, entriamo nel clima contest…
Gli amateur si rivelano i veri protagonisti scagliandosi ovunque a folle velocità. Ad un certo punto lo speaker richiama il pubblico all’ordine perché pare che nessuno voglia vedere i pro, ma la battaglia improvvisata sul deathrail in cui spicca un fakie 360 ao topsoul to ao soul di Avichai ed un big 360 topsoul del russo Grisha . Finale francese fra i due Romain che sul “mind the gap” chiudono tutto ciò che i pro non oseranno…Abrate vola in 360royale e 360 ao unity, ma Godenaire vince sparandosi 630 ao soul ed un soul to soul con il rainbow posto nell’iperspazio.
Le girls strabiliano tutti non solo per i pettorali (Jenna) ed il nervo (Fallon), ma per il livello al quale si sono spinte; ad ogni trick segue un boato d’ormoni maschili. Vince meritatamente la bionda con la f maiuscola, chiudendo un bel corner wallride to fakie ed un ao topsoul sul mind the gap.
I pro, tranne pochi, si divertono ad accarezzare le strutture senza osare sul rail incazzato o il “mind the gap”…molto probabilmente son già strafatti visto sono le 20 circa; sottotono appaiono Perkett e Bailey, mentre Broskow si diverte a giocare con murettini e ringhierine quasi fosse in vacanza. Stockwell merita un premio speciale per le linee dipinte su qualsiasi struttura, ma la finale è head to head fra Aragon & Swain. Quest’ultimo non riesce a ripetere il fakie 720 tr mizou della semifinale e così vince Prince Brian con disaster hurricane topsoul & 540 bs savannah sul big box in mezzo ad un’ammucchiata di gente.
Si riparte con l’astronave, ma il navigatore di carta tramandatoci dagli antichi cybernauti non funziona bene, così ci perdiamo per l’ennesima volta nella fottuta Anversa. Dopo aver rinfrescato le membra ed aver visto spuntare Bisi, come fosse il mago zurlì, andiamo all’atteso Afterclash. All’ingresso qualcosa non quadra; coppie di gnocche si palpano e si baciano: che spreco inutile! Superato il gap troviamo tutti i pro e gli amici già ad un livello supersaian d’alcool ma presto li raggiungiamo. Tutto scorre fra concerto, psycho hall in da house e stanzino che a tratti ricorda il Titti Twister in “dal tramonto all’alba”...quante vampirelle succhia sangue! La bionda con la f maiuscola pare proprio su di giri, e dopo la vittoria del contest, si aggiudica anche il premio gran porcona…beato Haffey che se la slida davanti a tutti. E’ quasi l’alba ed abbiamo il cervello in pappa; decidiamo di rincasare poiché domani dovremmo andare a Zurigo a bruciare…ehm volevo dire sfasciare il nuovo park indoor. Quel profugo di Bisi è appiedato così lo adottiamo e lo carichiamo sulla vecchia signora; per fortuna nessuna sentinella ci ferma, altrimenti rischieremmo di finire ai lavori forzati in qualche miniera belga.
La GANG DEL BOSCO
PIRATES
La birra del frate!
BUORDELLOO
CICCIO BROSCONE
TASSO ALCOLICO!
GIANLOVER!
Haffey dancer
I WHANT YOU
ALBY E MR: SPRING!!
??? ma che è uan statua di cera?
DOM15 – 3°giorno
Con un rutto a squarciagola, Marco riesce a resuscitare dal sonno profondo ; tutti sono in catalessi tranne quel supereroe di Cesare che s’è pure riempito la panza a colazione. Er frocio probabilmente sogna i 7 nani, il tagliagole non è più tornato, ha lasciato i bagagli ed è stato sostituito da Bisi. Costui indossa il vestito da mago, sistema lo zaino e cerca di scomparire così come è apparso per evitare il check out all’ingresso; non sappiamo se ha superato il mostro oppure è stato spedito a scontare la pena in qualche monastero trappista vicino alla city. La stanza si presenta in uno stato pietoso con residuati da campo di battaglia ed ecco che entra un nuovo personaggio: il killer della mafia russa. Prima pensiamo che sia la security dell’ostello che tiene in ostaggio Bisi e che sollecita la nostra uscita, ma poi capiamo che è la new entry della stanza…probabilmente cerca il tagliagole e mentre lo attende, si carica mangiando della roba sozza in vasetto che puzza più delle patatine di Ciccio. Siamo avvisati e quindi prepariamo i nostri bagagli per dileguarci prima che l’orco ci mangi. E’ troppo tardi ed i riflessi vanno a rilento poiché stiamo subendo il contraccolpo della notte brava…decidiamo di non andare a spaccare in Zurich ma di visitare Anversa a piedi; forse è la volta buona che non ci perdiamo. Dopo uno spuntino a base di patate in una rosticceria tipica, in cui servono mmmmmerda fritta di ogni forma e dimensione, cerchiamo il bis. Ecco il circolo del biliardo in cui le famiglie si trovano la domenica per mangiare, bere birra e fumare sigarette….altro che messa! Dopo una sbirciata ai flipper in legno ed al bigliardino stile guerra fredda, ci concediamo degli ottimi hamburger al gusto ascella ed una pizza guarnita d’ananas….Meglio camminare! Ormai chi più chi meno, siamo tutti degli yattaman, poiché la scimmia del kendama si è diffusa nel nostro organismo ed ormai soffriamo di questa malattia. Ad un certo punto vediamo delle future baby zoccole in abiti di pizzo, in posa per un book; da veri stalloni ci intrufoliamo e partecipiamo allo scatto che farà da copertina all’edizione fiamminga di PlayGirl….Durante il cammino nelle vie, più volte sghignazziamo increduli, per le capigliature dei Rabbini che spuntano come funghi dietro agli angoli, e per i passanti muniti di cappelli di pelo, che paiono nidi di rondine formato famiglia. Abbiamo sete, un amico ciclista ci consiglia di andare a prendere un aperitivo nel red district, giusto per stemperare la tensione prima del ritorno in patria. Non troviamo l’happy hour ma venditori di kebab frammisti a tante vetrine nelle quali è in mostra la fauna di ogni specie: pantere, tigri siberiane, cavalli da traino, fossili di otaria. Non si serve alcool ma solamente succhi di frutta a base di prugna, pera e banana. Comincia a piovere e quindi capiamo che è meglio tornare sulla via maestra: non l’ho mai avuta così bagnata!
DOM15 – LUN16 – viaggio di ritorno
In astronave tutto scorre nella norma finchè ci fermiamo per scaricare l’acqua al merlo, e per cenare in Lussemburgo. Mentre Marco già sogna lo stinco di maiale setoloso da sbranare come fosse Attila, Ciccio trova la sua nuova arma: patatine al ricco bigusto pepe e rosmarino. Alby non è da meno perché trova un residuato della missione Apollo 13 costituito da pane liofilizzato e wurstel di cane marziano; Cesare invece pensa all’amore trovando un super lecca lecca a forma di rosa. Forse abbiamo esagerato poiché tutto fermenta nello stomaco ed i nostri organismi emanano bombe al napalm. La vecchia signora si rifiuta di ripartire col suo equipaggio: frizione rotta! Comincia la vera odissea sull’asfalto!!! Dopo un attimo di sbandamento totale, poiché inizia a nevicare e siamo dispersi in mezzo a camionisti dormienti ed un ristorante chiuso, capiamo che non possiamo aspettare perché rischieremmo di trasformarci in un igloo. Marco tranquillizza la ciurma, si ricorda del passato da parcheggiatore e sfodera la sua abilità nella guida di mezzi meccanoidi imbizzarriti, in preda a guasti e raptus di follia. L’astronave si accende solo in folle ed il problema è la partenza, poi raggiunta la velocità di crociera, la marcia entra o esce con un colpetto d’acceleratore. Ed ecco la tecnica sopraffina brevettata nel piazzale dell’area di sosta: 4 spingono a portiere aperte, e quando il pilota riesce ad inserire una marcia bassa grida “ce l’ho”, così tutto l’equipaggio può salire al volo. Arriviamo al primo distributore in piena terra di Brie & Tartufon. Grazie alla lingua francese dominata da Alby, capiamo che l’unica alternativa è un carro attrezzi per il paese più vicino, e la visita del meccanico la mattina seguente. Non possiamo aspettare i re magi, così decidiamo di navigare verso l’Italia: tanto mancano solamente 800km circa e continua a nevicare!!! Alla frontiera con la Francia, la police nota il nostro sospetto incedere e ci ferma. Marco anticipa le domande con: “we have a problem” provando a spiegare che ci manca la “freakshown” ma che siamo abili rollerbladers. Temiamo l’arresto e la rettoscopia col guanto in lattice ed invece, i gendarmi divertiti vogliono vedere la nostra tecnica, pronunciandosi così: “three, two, one, GO!”. Ormai non siamo più pirati, ma ci siamo trasformati in una squadra di bob a 5, infatti ripetiamo l’azione ad ogni frontiera, distributore o casello autostradale. Tutta la notte scorre con il solito cambio pilota e con la sagra delle visioni: pantere e tigri del red district, madonna sulle bighe romane che attraversano la strada o svolazzano a mezz’aria dicendoci: “I want you”…All’alba superiamo il confine italico dinanzi all’indifferenza dei finanzini, e visto che è orario di punta, dobbiamo cercare un meccanico prima dell’ingresso nella Milano da bere. Il primo distributore tricolore ci rincuora perché a pochi metri dalla prima uscita c’è il meccanico di Lomazzo che fa al caso nostro. Sono le 7.30 di lunedì mattina ed il cancello è ancora chiuso; dobbiamo aspettare. All’apertura ci dice che non ha i ricambi ma dalla parte opposta del paese c’è una rivendita FIAT che sicuramente ha i pezzi. Sono solo 6 rotonde e c’è il traffico del paese che si risveglia; pensiamo “è l’ultima fatica”. All’ennesima rotonda rischiamo di perdere Ciccio intento a provare un cesslide, ma essendo un pattinatore d’esperienza, evita il salto nel vuoto. Arriviamo alla meta e ci presentiamo alla grande in mezzo a tanti stronzi con minimi problemi al veicolo: “salve, noi veniamo dal Belgio senza frizione e dobbiamo ripartire subito”. Il capofficina ci guarda incredulo, e mentre gli occupiamo i divani della sala d’attesa, ci fa sistemare l’auto in tempo record. Sbarchiamo a Milano in tarda mattinata contenti e certi di un’amicizia consolidata e di un viaggio che mai dimenticheremo. Aspettando il MILFTOWN2009, la convocazione in nazionale per la squadra nazionale di bob a 5, il primo corso di cucito by Cesare, ci salutiamo con la massima del sommo Ciccio: “comunque queste cose ci fanno crescere”.....ecco perchè WE ARE RIDERS FROM HELL!
RISULTATI
PRO:
1. Brian Aragon
2. Stephen Swain
3. Roman Abrate
AMATEUR:
1. Romain Goudenaire
2. Roman Abrate
3. Adrien Anne
GIRLS:
1. Fallon Heffernan
2. Jenna Downing
3. Aurore Costabile
BOB A 5:
1. Bisca Friends
2. France
3. Switzerland
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688 comments on "WI’N’FI 2009: WINTER ‘N’ FIRE CLASH "
e già la cameriera tatuata piaceva un pò a todos,e comem nn dimenticare la nostra cara amica panna!!come secondo report nn male!see you brixian!!yo
l'anno prossimo a san remo non vogliamo i babbioni fra le conigliette
ma Ciccio con le cameriere..
fontana di birra compresa!
we ciccio!!!
ohi cmq le patatine alla criptonite non erano cosi male!!!
vero ciccio?
Ragazzi grazie di cuore a tutti!! è stato bellissimo e me lo ricorderò per sempre!!!
vi voglio bene raga
now I'll stay tuned..
I should notify u about this.
well.. it's like I knew!
ma io ciccio spadavecchia lo conosco!!!
aveva inizato a streetare con me sui roller!!!
ciccio dove cazzo sei finito sti anni?
sei sempre piu brutto ahahahahah ;)
contattami zani_82@hotmail.com
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